I like my stuff. I have good taste, so it makes sense that my stuff would be top-notch. Throughout the years I’ve amassed a great collection of stuff: house stuff, yard stuff, even kid stuff. But eventually, all stuff outlasts its usefulness, and at that point even the best stuff gets kicked to the curb. Like, literally to the curb.
Every summer (fall this year. Thanks a lot, Covid) our little suburb has a “clean up” day where the kindly townspeople drag their junk to the grassy area between the sidewalk and the street and the city picks it all up and takes it… somewhere. Part of the joy of clean up day is ridding my garage of stuff I no longer need, but part is found in eyeballing other people’s stuff. The stuff your neighbor puts out on clean up day can tell you a lot! Apparently, I’ve got DIYers all around me and you better believe I’m knocking on doors if I need help with my drywall.
This year, though, what I learned about my neighbors shook me to my core: their stuff is a lot like my stuff. Old excersaucers our kids don’t need anymore. Big screen TV boxes. Patio furniture cracked and faded with age. I thought I was the only one who had outdoor rugs that my dog used as a personal toilet! I was sure that MY old broken dresser was the BEST old broken dresser! But as my wife and I wandered our neighborhood in hopes of judging the stuff of others, we were faced with a harsh reality: we basic.
I suppose that’s the way it goes. You get married, have some kids, and pretty soon they age out of their Melissa & Doug crap out right along with everyone else who thought their kids would play with wooden toys (spoiler alert: they won’t). We’re all buying the same Black Friday TVs and shopping the same “end of season” sales at Target. Your wife probably went through an owl/star/bird/letterboard phase that she’s currently expunging from your home. We want to believe that we’re special snowflakes but we’re beholden to the trendsetters at Magnolia Market just like everybody else. Forget “the man,” our lives are controlled by Chip and Jo Jo.
But somehow, in the face of such damning evidence, I still remain hopeful that there’s another story here. Maybe I’m actually NOT basic. Maybe I DO have great taste. Maybe I really AM a special snowflake. And somehow, by some happy, cosmic accident I moved into a neighborhood full of other special snowflakes who happen to have great taste. Now that I think about it, the realtors should be advertising us as such! Got a few young kids you’re hoping fall in love with wooden toys? We’ve got the neighborhood for you! Sure, you might not feel special anymore, but at least you won’t be tempted to pick up other people’s trash on junk day.
ON TO THE LINKS!
Did you know that in some countries, they call soccer “football”? Crazytown. Did you also know that some people in these here United States watch this version of football?! I AM AS SHOCKED AS YOU ARE. But as the NBA, MLB, and NHL wind down, you may find yourself looking for a new sports obsession and the English Premier League (EPL) is waiting for you with open arms. My good friend and collegiate soccer coach Ben Karnish has helpfully explained the mysteries of the EPL in American sports terms via a chart that helps you pick a new favorite team based on your current favorite teams. Personally, I’m going with Wolverhampton. Because wolves.
In other sports news, this article from the Ringer is an awesome deep dive into LeBron James and his history with big men. If you’re a basketball fan, you’re gonna love it.
It might be a stretch to call this “chef dad,” but my friend Rob left this review on a local Facebook page, and reading it gave me LJS cravings for DAYS. I would trade a kidney for a hush puppy right now. From Rob:
“Once every ten years, I treat myself to one piece chicken, one piece fish from Long John Silver's. Well, today is the day!
Review: fries were soggy but that didn’t matter because they were sprinkled with the extra crispies. I had two hush puppies....probably should have got four. I wasn’t sure which one was the chicken or the fish. After biting in I was reminded how great each are. I had to grab a few extra paper towels from the kitchen to wipe the grease off of my hands and mouth. You might see this as a negative, but is for sure a positive in my book. Lastly, I washed it down with an A&W root beer. I guess one positive of both businesses struggling over the past ten years is that I can get both in the same place now. Overall, I give this meal a 11/10. 2030 can’t come soon enough!”
I took my kids to a Long John Silver’s/A&W mashup last year and was FURIOUS when they wouldn’t finish their food. In my day we would have killed for that level of salty greasiness! Kids these days have no culinary understanding whatsoever.
This is not a long article, but I’ll go ahead and save you the click anyway and just share the most salient lines:
“We are quite used to parrots swearing, but we’ve never had five at the same time,” said the zoo’s chief executive, Steve Nichols. “Most parrots clam up outside, but for some reason these five relish it.”
“When a parrot tells tells you to ‘f-— off’ it amuses people very highly,” he said Tuesday. “It’s brought a big smile to a really hard year.”
As a swearing aficionado, I desperately need to meet these parrots. I feel like I could teach them a thing or two.
I know comics and graphic novels aren’t for everyone, but there’s never been a better time to jump in and give it a try. A lot of famous literature has been published in graphic form and, I don’t know about you, but I’m not reading the Iliad unless I can see those sirens for myself!
A new Star Wars game comes out today and even if you’re not into gaming you owe it to yourself to watch this short film/long trailer for the game.
Congrats on making it to the end of the letter. If you enjoyed it, how about forwarding it to a friend? You know I hate asking, but the hustle is REAL. If you’ve seen anything cool/weird/noteworthy floating around the internet lately go ahead and hit me up with it. Got an idea for something to feature in a section? As you can see, I’m glad to share the space.
Until next time…